Some Like To Set The Scene Just To Distort The Image

The Age

Monday August 24, 1998

PATRICK SMITH

Vision and image. It is what the AFL cares about most. Everything must enhance and flatter the product. That's why we don't wrestle in the AFL any more; why we don't melee in the AFL any more; that's why Richmond and Brisbane are in disgrace after their pre-game brawl on Saturday.

Ian Collins will get to work early this morning. He'll be whistling, too. Maybe even humming the tune from Dragnet. There's nothing "Collo" likes better than getting to the bottom of incidents that hurt football's image. It was Collo who found Rule 10c that allowed him to discipline the Bulldog players who harassed West Coast's young Michael Gardiner last year.

The AFL Commission wants to see nothing that could possibly turn people off the game. It knows it is a constant battle to maintain its position at the head of Australian sport. That's why it is uncomfortable with people being carried off on stretchers, silly as wheels, as the result of charges. That's why it will be furious that two teams came together in an angry tangle that included Brisbane coach Roger Merrett, his chest puffed up like a hot-air balloon.

Worse, there were a couple of kids who ran out with the teams as mascots. No doubt they are the owners of a more colorful vocabulary today. Thankfully, an official was smart enough to shepherd them away. Heavy fines must follow. Suspensions, if there is evidence of punches thrown. There was nothing brave about this incident. Silly people doing silly things.

But the AFL was guilty of stupidity at the weekend as well.

It had a blockbuster on its books with Carlton playing Collingwood at the MCG. More than 60,000 people turned up. However, there was no reserves game to entertain them.

Instead, there was a bizarre contest of gridiron punting by a group of wannabe American footballers. It was about as entertaining as a night watching John Howard learn the ukelele. As slickly produced as Red Faces.

The competition was run by Oakley Enterprises, the company of former AFL heavy Ross Oakley. While Oakley has a way with fireworks, the production of this kicking contest was nothing short of appalling. And boring.

One contestant turned up in tracksuit pants you wouldn't do your gardening in. Not if you respected your garden that is. Another came with what appeared to be everything - except ability. He wore a bandana, looked to have a special kicking boot, took what seemed like two hours to prepare for each kick and executed the punt with studied fluency but no effect. This drivel took the best part of an hour.

Meanwhile, down at the Punt Road Oval, the Magpies reserves failed by two points to beat Carlton in a stirring battle. The crowd watched it on the MCG scoreboard. Clapped and cheered when goals were scored. Support by remote control.

Madness.

The reserves should have been played as the curtain-raiser at the MCG as Carlton had rightly demanded during the week. The AFL has a Rule 40, which forbids clubs from promoting any sport other than Australian football.

Yet here was the AFL allowing a promotion - that's not quite the right word - of American football. It appears the commission will follow its own rules only when and where it suits it.

If you fancy a conspiracy, then you'd support the suggestion that the commission is so determined to denigrate the reserves competition in favor of its revamped VFL that it takes every opportunity to downgrade it. That's a tough call, but yesterday's nonsense gave evidence to support it.

You could also suggest that the commission did a favor for a former employee at the expense of Carlton and Collingwood supporters.